


Old Friends, New Beginnings

by EllenEmbee



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Mentions of canon events, Mild canon divergence, Mutual Pining, Nivan Ryder, Partly Epistolary, Pining, Romance, but only in conversations, canon compliant character death, introspective, mild AU, slowish burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27766270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenEmbee/pseuds/EllenEmbee
Summary: A 600-year journey ought to be enough of a shake up, but nothing is ever that simple for Nivan Ryder. After her family is torn apart by tragedy, an old family friend - and her long-time crush - Dr. Harry Carlyle offers her a shoulder to lean on in the name of growing their friendship. However, as their relationship progresses from friends to something more, will the dangers of being a Pathfinder eventually tear them apart?A look at the quiet moments between Andromeda events and the strain of leaving and of being left behind.
Relationships: Harry Carlyle & Female Ryder | Sara, Harry Carlyle/Female Ryder | Sara, Harry Carlyle/Ryder (Mass Effect)
Comments: 60
Kudos: 20





	1. After Eos

**Author's Note:**

> A note on a mild AU aspect of this fic: My Ryder is 29 when she goes into cryo, which is seven years older than canon Ryder. She was much more established in her Milky Way career than the canon Ryder, but she also values family and sided with Alec when things went south for him (and consequently for her). Also, based on dialogue and mentions of a mid-life crisis, I've placed hot doctor Harry somewhere in his mid forties.
> 
> Also, smut will happen later on in the fic, and I always warn for it in case people want to skip. So don't be afraid to read if you're not into that kind of thing. :)

Nivan stood at the far side of the bar, drink in hand, and tried not to fidget. The borrowed halter top slinked around her torso and revealed more shoulder than her typical Initiative gear, but her only stipulation when she'd asked Cora for help was that she _not_ look like she'd dressed up for the man she was meeting tonight. Cora had plucked the flowy halter and a tiny pair of pants from her minimal closet and sworn it would fit right in at the Vortex.

_Besides, black is kind of your aesthetic, isn't it?_ Cora had reasoned.

Nivan pulled at the black material gripping her thighs and held back a grimace. Black armor, maybe. But this? Her narrow hips and barely-there ass couldn't do justice to the stretchy material, though she supposed it did go with the halter better than her Initiative pants. At least Cora had let her keep her boots.

With a sigh, she turned and leaned back against the bar to take in the crowd. A few people shimmied around the raised dance floor, even this early in the evening, and she took comfort in the fact that Cora seemed to be right about the outfit. Some patrons still wore their Initiative uniforms - likely the happy-hour stragglers - but more than half were dressed like her.

"You're the Pathfinder, right?"

Nivan turned her head to watch a blond man with a pretty-but-generic face and an undercut eerily similar to her own sidle up on her right. She cocked her head, assessing him. Clear eyes and steady hands told her the man wasn't drunk despite the flush across his pale cheeks. She raised her half-full glass.

"That's me, though most people just call me Ryder."

"Ryder. Right. I'm Clayton."

He stretched his right hand over his chest to offer a handshake. The music thrummed under her skin as she glanced down at the hand before taking it in a firm shake.

"Nice to meet you." The forcefulness of the shake seemed to throw him off balance, so she dropped his hand and resumed her position watching the growing crowd. "You need something?"

"Huh? Oh... no. I mean..." She watched from the corner of her eye as he coughed into his hand. "Maybe a dance?"

_Ryder, Clayton's body language indicates he is nervous. I believe he is attracted to you._

Nivan had tipped back her glass to take a sip, but SAM's voice on their private channel had her choking on it instead.

"Whoa!" Clayton lifted his hand as if to pat her back and then seemed to think better of it. "Are you ok?"

She pounded on her chest and tried to inhale something other than alcohol. It should have been embarrassing, but if she'd learned anything from her father, it was how to remain professional in the face of less-than-ideal conditions.

"Yeah, I'm good," she rasped, clearing her throat a few times.

"I'll, uh, take that as a no on the dance, then," he said with a sheepish grin.

"No offense, I'm just waiting for someone, so..."

"Ah, of course," he said, slumping his shoulders. "Can I get you another drink for your trouble? No strings attached."

_A woman sitting at the far right table has been watching the progression of your conversation. Her facial expression indicates increasing displeasure and possible jealousy,_ SAM said on the private channel.

Ryder, still facing out from the bar, moved her gaze to the indicated table. Sure enough, a young woman wearing an engineering uniform glared at them from under furrowed brows. Instead of responding to Clayton's question, she jerked her head toward the woman.

"Someone waiting for you over there?"

Clayton looked over as well. The motion was enough to alert the woman to their attention. She jerked her head around and hunched over the table, her short blond ponytail swinging from the force of her movement and her hands clenched around an empty glass.

"Oh... that's just my best friend, Hally. I didn't know she was here."

"Maybe you should buy that drink for her, then. What's her favorite?"

"The Dirty Squirrel, but... we're not like that."

"Get her a drink," Nivan encouraged, "I think you'll be surprised."

Shock passed over Clayton's face before his expression turned thoughtful. "That's not just you talking, is it?"

_Dr. Carlyle is approaching on your left_ , SAM warned.

Nivan kept her attention on Clayton. "I may have an AI up my sleeve, but he's only pointing out obvious things like facial expressions or nervous ticks." She shrugged. "If you like her, get her a drink, and enjoy your night."

"Thanks, Ryder." Clayton's eyes moved past Ryder's shoulder, and the sheepish grin returned. "You have a good night, too."

Clayton moved down to speak to Dutch, while Nivan turned her attention back to her drink. After a long swallow, she cradled the glass in her hands and spoke.

"How in the universe did you get on my left side? I've had my eyes on the door most of the evening."

Harry's deep chuckle both warmed her insides and sent a pleasant chill down her spine. She ignored the feeling like usual and focused on his reply.

"I'm surprised I was able to sneak up on you at all."

"You didn't," she said as she glanced over and looked him up and down. "SAM warned me."

Harry's gray-green eyes sparked with mirth as he leaned against the bar and crossed his arms over his chest. She let her gaze drop to where his sleeves pulled taut over his biceps for a single, indulgent second before fixing her eyes on the dancing forms across the way. The lights and movement blurred together into a formless mass as she let her eyes go unfocused.

This wasn't her scene. She'd gravitated toward cafes or libraries in her Milky Way days. There weren't a lot of those to go around in Andromeda, though.

"But you didn't see me _come in_ ," he asserted.

"No," she admitted in a playful tone. "I didn't see you come in, Harry."

In truth, she didn't care overmuch except that she'd missed getting to see him walk up to her in that outfit. He'd changed out of his medical uniform into unfairly fitted gray trousers and a soft green t-shirt that made his eyes seem all the more vibrant - and clung to his fit form in all the right places. The combo had no doubt earned him his fair share of admirers, and she was hardly immune. Add to that his rogue-ish smile and salt and pepper hair, and she'd never stood a chance.

She felt him watching her. His gaze had always seemed fond to her, though she could never decide if it was from true affection or simply a result of his sympathy for her compounding losses. He'd been nothing more than a family friend since they'd met twelve years prior, so she'd been surprised when he'd taken her up on the offer for a drink at Vortex.

Which reminded her.

"What can I get you?"

"Hmmmm?"

She turned around to face the bar and placed a hand on the counter. "I asked you here for a drink and so we could catch up. So, what can I get you?"

"Just a beer."

Nivan didn't question the order. It was a smart move to avoid the liquor, and one she should probably imitate. She ordered from Anan - no need to bother Dutch if they weren't having cocktails - who pointed them to a small corner table with a promise to bring them their drinks.

Nivan nodded and turned to the table, expecting Harry to follow. What she didn't expect was the warm hand that settled on her lower back as they walked.

_Ryder, your heart rate and respiration have increased at an alarming rate. Are you alright?_

"I'm fine," she mumbled under her breath. "You can tap out for a bit."

_Understood. Have a good evening, Nivan._

Harry's hand remained at her back, a light but distracting pressure against the curve of her spine, until they reached the table and sat down. It took all her lessons in diplomacy to keep the heat from her face as she slid into the booth.

Once settled, she took a quiet breath and raised her gaze to find Harry already watching her. Something lingered in the depths of intriguing green eyes and the slant of thick brows, but she couldn't quite parse the expression. The music seemed less intrusive in this cozy corner of the bar, so she caught his slow exhale.

"So, the guy at the bar... friend of yours?"

"Nope. Never met him before."

"Oh? You seemed... ah..." He trailed off and glanced away before huffing out a little laugh and meeting her gaze again. "Nevermind. How have you been? We didn't get much of a chance to talk yesterday, but you seem to be the hero of the hour after Eos."

She ducked her head and smiled, all thoughts of his strange pause forgotten. "I just did what I had to."

"Yeah, that's not what I heard from Lexi."

"Really? And what does the good doctor... the _other_ good doctor say?"

A smile eased onto Harry's face. "Just that you kicked some ass, restarted some terraforming tech, kicked some more ass, and in general made a whole planet a lot more stable and safe for, oh yeah, that _new colony_ you established. And it's not just Lexi singing your praises. I caught Director Addison _smiling_ the other day."

"Maybe she was just having a good day?"

"There you go again," he said with a shake of his head. "Always demurring. Take credit where it's due, Niv. You did a great job out there."

They leaned back as Anan arrived with their drinks, and she hoped Harry would move on. It was getting harder to fight off the blushes. She had a strong urge to watch his lips as he took a first sip of his drink, but she forced herself to look away. She hadn't made it through more than a decade of crushing on her dad's friend by torturing herself, and she wasn't about to start now.

"You want to put credit where it's due," Nivan said once she'd taken a sip. "Then thank my team. And SAM. And by extension, Dad. He was the one who insisted on developing an integrated AI in spite of the naysayers. I couldn't have done any of it without SAM."

Harry hummed and took another sip. "And how is that? How are you..." He cleared his throat. "We didn't really have time to talk about how you feel about that."

"About having an AI in my head?" She shrugged and watched her fingers slide through the sheen of condensation gathering on her glass. "Definitely took some getting used to. It's like... communal living, I guess? No privacy, not even in my head. Though if he's quiet for too long, I can forget he's there. And I can ask him to, um, disconnect for a bit, which is nice. It's not what I wanted, of course. I wanted..." She trailed off and swallowed down the words of grief. Of weakness. "But I'm making the best of it, you know?"

Harry didn't respond. She looked up to find him regarding her with that strange expression.

"What?" she asked with an embarrassed huff of laughter.

"It's just... _you_. You're..."

Nivan watched him swallow, watched the way his Adam's apple bobbed with the action. She focused on her fingers again.

"I know. It should be scary. It should be weird. It _is_ weird, but..."

Harry's hand shot out to grasp her condensation-cooled fingers, stilling their movements and nearly overturning her drink in the process. It took all her training not to jump out of her skin at the unfamiliar contact. His heat seeped into her skin, and she had to focus on his mouth in order to process what he was saying.

"Shit. Sorry. But no. That's not what I meant," he said with a huff. "I was going to say... I know you had your own career in the Milky Way, and that you went through the Pathfinder training with Alec. But even with that, you've adapted so quickly and handled everything with such grace." He took a deep breath. "What I _mean_ is that your dad would be proud of you, Niv. And I should have said this before, but if you need to talk, I'm here, ok? You shouldn't have to handle this stuff alone."

She struggled to formulate a response. If he'd been behaving like normal, she'd know her role. Say thanks. Duck out at the first opportunity to avoid embarrassing herself over someone who'd never see her as anything but his friend's little kid at _best_.

But Harry's unfamiliar actions and words left her in uncharted territory. She thought back to their interactions after her dad died, looking for deviations in their "family friend" dynamic.

And... yeah, maybe he _had_ hovered a bit more before she left for Eos. He'd sent her hourly updates on Scott while her brother was still unstable and she couldn't be in the infirmary. After they'd stabilized Scott in the induced coma, she'd left for Eos, but Harry had continued to email her an update every day, often with personal messages asking about her day or if she was feeling ok...

Oh. Oh, _no_.

"Thanks, Harry," she managed to push out. "That means a lot. But I'm doing ok, you know?"

"Are you? Truly?"

She closed her eyes, shutting out sympathetic green eyes. _God_. If only she'd seen this coming. If she'd been more careful, she might have found a way to avoid it.

Pulling her fingers out of Harry's warm grip, she placed her hands palm-down on her thighs. The material felt fragile under her touch, as if it could melt away at any moment and leave her vulnerable. She'd never craved the comfort of her armor more.

"Harry, you've been a good friend to Dad, a friend to our whole family, for a long time, and I get that maybe you think you need to... to fill a void or something-"

"What?"

"But you don't have to... I don't want you to take on a role just because Dad's gone. He was a great man. A visionary. I mean, look what he accomplished with SAM even when everyone was against him. I'll miss him-"

"Niv-"

"-but Scott and I have been on our own for a long time, so you shouldn't feel guilty or obligated to-"

"Nivan, stop."

Her jaw snapped shut. The thumping bass seemed to increase to fill the silence that hung between them. She opened her eyes but kept them trained on her glass. It felt like the coward's way out, but she couldn't bring herself to look at his face. Finally, Harry's voice cut through the music.

"I'm not here right now because of your Dad. And I'm certainly not sitting here because I think you need a father figure."

The way he spit out the last two words had her jerking her head up to watch him. A smile cut across his face, and she recognized the wry twist at the corner of his lips. That, at least, was familiar.

"We're friends, right?"

She could only nod in response. His smile softened.

"That's all I want. To be a friend to you and Scott if you need one. You've been through so much in such a short amount of time... lost so much. And you... You've impressed me, Nivan, with your strength and professionalism. I thought I knew you back in the Milky Way. But here, it's like you're this whole new person." He shook his head. "I know you're not. That this is who you've always been. But I feel like..."

"Like you just woke up after a 600-year nap?"

Harry barked out a laugh. "Something like that."

He caught her gaze and held it. A molten warmth slid down her spine, and though she tried to temper it with her usual internal affirmations of his platonic - though thankfully _not_ familial - feelings, something about his expression silenced those rational thoughts.

"So, what you're saying is you want me to spill my guts. You wouldn't sell all my sordid insecurities to the tabloids, would you?"

"What tabloids?"

"Good point," she said with a tremulous laugh. "Though I think there is a journalist wandering around the station somewhere."

Harry took a sip from his glass, and this time, Nivan was powerless against the sight. She picked up her own drink and took a long pull to distract herself.

"Yeah, Keri. She did a nice write up on your dad. Did you see it?"

Nivan frowned and shook her head. "No. No one asked me anything, either."

"It was after you left, so she probably didn't want to disturb you while you were, you know, saving our asses."

"Right, saving the Initiative. One slightly-less-than-golden world at a time." She slouched back in her chair. "Still, I'd like to read it. Can you message me the link?"

"Sure." He paused. "She wanted to know more about Scott, too, but I thought it best to claim patient/doctor privilege. If she hasn't tried to contact you yet, I bet she'll be in your inbox soon."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

They continued on lighter topics for a time - the petty squabbles of the Nexus scientists, the challenges of keeping the station running on low supplies, the possibilities that awaited them in the future. Then, as she signaled for another round from Anan, Harry smirked at her and asked for the dirty details about Eos, all the things she'd left out of the official reports. She was helpless to resist that devastating angle of his lips and the single dimple that appeared as a result. She spilled everything about her crewmates, their missions, and the hopes she had for the nav point they'd pulled from the Eos vault.

They fell into a lull, and she found herself getting lost in studying his face. She didn't often get the opportunity to just look at him. He seemed to be doing the same, his eyes tracking over her features.

"After all that, no wonder you look so tired."

A sarcastic response fizzled at the edge of her lips. Witty quips had always been their way during their occasional interactions at meetings or family parties when she was back on the Citadel, though her post on Mars had curtailed a lot of that. But that strange expression he'd fallen into more than once tonight - a mixture of pensive and... _something_ \- had her swallowing down the safety of sarcasm. Instead, honest words bubbled up and over her lips as a tentative offering to his suggestion of a deeper friendship.

"I _am_ tired. But SAM is helping me sleep more." She paused, weighing her words, debating speaking them at all, before she finally added in a lower tone, "I still see it sometimes in my dreams - those last moments with Dad before I passed out. I was low on oxygen, and everything is a bit hazy, but I still remember him struggling for breath. It's..."

A faint burning sensation started up behind her eyes. Her pulse thundered in her ears, drowning out the music. She stopped to clench her teeth and took a deep breath before continuing.

"He wasn't much for words. Always preferred to speak with his actions. But I'd rather not have found out exactly how much he cared by being the person he died to save, you know?"

Harry cursed as he leaned forward and folded his arms on the table, his expression full of sympathy. "I knew it was hard on all of us who cared about your dad, but... this really has been a total shit show for you, hasn't it?"

She burst into tremulous laughter, desperate to break the tension and calm her pulse. "It didn't start out great, no. But Cora's been amazing. Our friendship has grown so much stronger. And I have my new team." She shrugged but couldn't hold back the smile as she added, "And you, I guess."

"Definitely me," he said, returning her smile.

"And you're taking care of Scott for me. So it's not all bad. You even helped me _talk_ to Scott. How amazing was that?"

"Pretty amazing, though if we're continuing the theme of credit where it's due, that was mostly SAM." He shook his head. "Something new every day in this place, right?"

"Yeah, that's a big part of why I really am doing ok. Even with all the loss, all the hurdles and setbacks, there's so much to discover here." She mimicked his posture, leaning toward him over the table. "We're in a new _galaxy_ , Harry. Even if you think you're too old to be on the Tempest with me, you have to admit that's pretty exciting."

"It's why I came here after all. If anyone could make me regret switching places with Lexi, it's you."

She blamed the alcohol for the heat rising up her neck. He gave her another long look before gazing off to the side.

"You want a confession for a confession? It's only fair."

"Please. Don't leave me hanging, Harry."

He laughed but kept his gaze averted. "I've seen a lot as a doctor. A lot of death and tragedy. But that day on Habitat 7 when we finally got to you and your dad... when we saw what had happened." His eyes found hers, and she was surprised by the sadness there. "The shuttle ride to the Hyperion... and the rush to get you to SAM node... that will haunt me until the day I die."

"Jesus, Harry-"

"I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty."

"Of course not. I don't." Emboldened by his earlier touches, she dared to reach out for him, grabbing the back of his hand where it rested on his forearm. "I'm just sorry you had to go through that. You've known the Ryder family for a long time. What happened to Scott... and then seeing dad and me like that... I didn't really stop to think how that might have felt for you."

"I know it pales in comparison to what you must feel. I'm not even sure why I... why it's stuck with me like this."

"Hey, now. No comparisons. My grief doesn't cancel yours out. We both lost someone important to us."

While she spoke, it felt like calm reassurance to touch him that way, her finger tips curling just a bit into the space between his thumb and forefinger. But as they sat in the thick silence that followed, she felt the awkwardness of it. She loosened her grip, but before she could pull away, he turned his hand. Their palms slotted together like puzzle pieces. Heat bloomed full and heady on her cheeks even as she fought to silence the internal screaming that she was _holding Dr. Harry Carlyle's hand_.

Because, damn it, this was not the time to revert to her teenage self. Not that there was _ever_ a time for that.

The strange expression returned as his gaze fell to where his cool sepia tones interlocked with the copper of her own skin. She looked, too, marveling at where this night had taken them. She'd never dreamed that her off-the-cuff suggestion to grab a drink, born from the elation of talking with her comatose brother, would amount to anything. But he'd done more than just show up. He'd offered her emotional support and treated her like an equal. Like a friend.

His hand twitched, and she thought he might let go. Instead, strong fingers curled more firmly around hers, and a rogue thumb brushed across her knuckles once, then twice, before stilling.

In fact, Harry's whole body seemed to tense up all at once. He loosened his grip, and she took the hint, drawing her hand back. She leaned back to give him space.

"There hasn't been a whole lot of time for that lately, huh?"

His voice sounded raw, but considering what they'd just discussed, it didn't seem out of place. Besides, she was too busy trying to calm her once-again racing heart to follow along too closely.

"Time for what?"

"Stopping. Thinking. It's been a cascade of one thing after another."

"Do you regret it?"

"What? Overreacting to a mid-life crisis?"

"Ok, sure," she said with a laugh, grateful for that bit of normalcy between them, "or, you know, that part where we hitched a ride to an unknown galaxy that turned out to be not-as-advertised."

"I'll admit, I did doubt my apparently poor life choices for a while, but the longer we're here, the more I believe everything will work out. Or maybe it's just that I believe in _you_."

God. He was going to kill her with all this kindness. He'd always been encouraging in a distant way, but tonight was on a whole new level. She bit her lip to hold back a wry smile and noticed him staring at her.

Or... was he staring at her _mouth_? She let her lip slip from between her teeth, and he blinked.

Shit. _Shit_. This definitely wasn't happening. She'd been thrown into some sort of alternate reality where Dr. Harry Carlyle, the unattainable man of her not-so-chaste dreams, noticed her. Held her hand. _Stared at her lips._

She reached for her drink and swallowed down the last of it in a giant gulp. Harry's glass was empty, too, and her brain latched on to the distraction like a Salarian to a logic puzzle. Her own logic, however, seemed to have deserted her after a little too much alcohol and one too many casual touches.

"Want another?"

He blinked again and looked down at his glass. "I should probably stop here. I'm on duty early tomorrow."

"Oh. That makes sense." She looked at her omni tool. They'd been talking for hours. "Do you need to go?"

Instead of answering, he stared at her, that unfamiliar expression firmly entrenched in the lines of his face. Lines she'd traced via hidden glances over the years but had never dared to come close enough to study. She gave up trying to hold back the fire under her skin and forced herself to hold his gaze. If all she could have were these few moments to memorize his face, she'd take them and file away the memories for later.

The laugh lines around his mouth twitched in concentration while the hint of crow's feet at the corners of his eyes deepened with the furrowing of his brow. She wished she could read this new expression of his, born from some shift between them over the course of the past few weeks. The world had tipped on its end, though, so she shouldn't be surprised that all the familiar things had tumbled around and ended up someplace new.

Just over Harry's shoulder, a flurry of frantic movement caught her notice. She refocused and huffed a little laugh at the sight of Peebee and Liam waving at her from across the room as if they were trying to flag down a space shuttle... from planet-side. She raised a hand in a simple salute in return. Liam laughed while Peebee made a sour face.

Harry sat up straight in his chair, drawing her attention back to him. "Yeah. I should go."

"Oh. I mean, sure. Sorry to have kept you so long."

"Nonsense. I had a great time."

She smiled at this and nodded. "Me, too."

When he stood, she stood with him, and they walked toward the door together. He gave her a strange look, then looked over his shoulder at where Liam and Peebee were engaged in some sort of drinking game. Nivan's head gave a sympathetic twinge.

"They're gonna regret that in the morning," she said as they reached the first set of doors.

"Probably," he replied with a laugh. He paused as the doors opened and jerked his head back toward them. "Aren't you going to join them?"

She blinked, and her surprise was the only excuse she had for what came out of her mouth next. "What, me? Oh, no. This place isn't really my jam."

They'd made it through the first doors into the vestibule, but at her words, Harry jerked to a stop. She didn't need to parse anything to understand the look of incredulity directed her way.

"If you don't like it here, then why did you invite me?"

She shrugged. "It's the only place open so far. And... to be honest, I didn't think you'd say yes."

"You didn't think... Why wouldn't I say yes?"

"Because you're you - important doctor man. And I'm just your friend's kid." The insecurities slipped out before she could wrangle them into submission, and she winced. She'd been too honest tonight. "I don't mean that in a bad way. I'm usually better at this talking thing. Some people even consider me a consummate professional."

The opposite doors opened, and a group of people passed by on their way into the Vortex. Harry touched a hand to her elbow as they moved aside. She tried not to blush _again_.

"Nivan, if you'd wanted to hang out in the cryo bay all evening, I'd have said yes. If you'd wanted to tour that weird cultural museum, I'd have said yes. Hell, if you'd wanted to watch Kandros wax poetic about his super-special strike teams, I'd have done it, though that one sounds particularly painful."

Her lips parted in surprise. Words rattled around in her head, but none of them made over her tongue before he frowned and spoke again.

"The 'where' doesn't matter. I said yes because I wanted to spend time with you."

Her body burst into flames. He couldn't mean that the way she wanted.

"As a friend?" she asked.

"I..."

He hesitated. The hand still cupping her elbow squeezed tighter, and her heart kicked into a gallop. She was faintly surprised SAM hadn't come back on the scene with how breathless and dizzy she felt from the possibilities. But then it all crashed down.

"Yes. Not as Pathfinder and doctor, but as old friends. And... sort of a new ones, too. We talked and joked around back in the Milky Way, and I always thought I'd like to know you better." He dropped his hand, and she felt it like a death knell. "Now's our chance, right?"

"S-ure," she wheezed before clearing her throat. "Yes."

He gestured toward the far door, and she gave a wan smile as she fell in step beside him. They strolled along in silence for a few moments before she felt his eyes on her.

"Next time, we should go somewhere you're comfortable. Maybe I could join you on the Tempest. Or we could find another place on the Nexus."

Next time. He wanted to meet again. At least she could have that.

"And maybe Scott will be awake by then," she said by way of agreement.

"I bet he will."

She glanced at him and found him wearing his familiar, fond smile. She smiled back before looking away.

"Are you heading to the Hyperion?" he asked.

"Nah, all my stuff is on the Tempest, so it's just easier to go back to the ship when we're docked. And Dad's apartment... It doesn't feel right to stay there. Not yet, anyway."

"I get that." They stopped in front of the doors to the tram. "Promise me you'll stay safe? I can't have Scott waking up to find his sister's gotten herself into trouble."

She looked down and laughed. "Well, for Scott's sake, I suppose-"

She cut off as warm fingers slid under her chin and tilted her head up. She met his gaze, wry and thoughtful and... _something_.

"Do it for me, too. I worry about you out there."

His grip loosened into a barely-there caress before he let go and took a step back. The doors opened behind him.

"Take care, Niv."

"You, too, Harry. And take care of my brother."

He backed through the doors. "Always."

The doors slid closed, and she sucked in a deep breath. She spun on her heel, nervous energy carrying her down the walkway, through the decontamination rooms, and to the dock where her ship waited for her.

Did he know? Did he fucking know what he was doing to her? The answer was no. And it would always be no. She needed to get a hold of herself.

The ship echoed emptiness. She walked the lower hallway to her room on the Tempest and flopped down on her bed.

"Any news, SAM?"

"A message just came through from Dr. Carlyle."

Her heart leapt into her throat as she scrambled for her data pad and clicked through to the messaging program. A flurry of emails awaited, but she ignored them all in favor of the one at the top. She clicked through with trembling fingers.

That link for you

* * *

To: Nivan  
From: Harry

Nivan, 

Here is the article link I promised you. I hope you find comfort in Keri's words. 

And I just wanted to say again how much fun I had tonight. You're one in a million. 

I know you're leaving tomorrow, but I'd like to say goodbye if you have time to stop by. I'm sure Scott would love to hear your voice again, too, even if we can't actually talk to him like yesterday. 

If you don't have time, no big deal. Just remember: You promised me you'd stay safe, and I expect my friends to keep their promises. 

All my best, Harry 


	2. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small selection of the messages Nivan and Harry exchange as she traverses the cluster in search of more golden worlds.

Re: That Link for you

* * *

To: Harry  
From: Nivan

Thanks for the link. That was beautiful. You were right about Keri contacting me, so I sent her a thank you and accepted her offer to talk when I'm back on the Nexus again.

Speaking of which, sorry I ran out of time to visit before we left. Too much to do and too little time. Tell Scott I'll be back to see him soon. And you, too, of course.

We're on our way to the coordinates, and I have to say, I'm excited for what we might find. A little nervous, but mostly excited. Based on Eos, I know this isn't going to be easy, but I do love a good mystery. I miss the Mars research if only for that.

(I wonder if they ever learned more about those Prothean artifacts?)

I also wanted to say sorry for not realizing earlier that you were probably expecting answers to all those updates on Scott. Just know I have appreciated your dedication to him and your updates on his condition. I feel a lot better having talked with him, so don't feel like you need to send those updates every day if you're busy... You know, as long as everything stays stable.

Anyway, this is longer than I planned. Maybe I'm more nervous than I thought. More later!

Niv

Update on Scott

* * *

To: Nivan  
From: Harry

Is that your way of telling me to stop sending you so many messages? Seriously though, I understand that your time is valuable. I don't have any expectations of you other than that you'll take care of yourself, and I certainly don't want our friendship to become a burden. That would defeat the purpose.

I'm glad you're feeling better about Scott. Speaking of which, he's doing great... you know, other than the coma. All vitals are still stable. I've sent the details to Lexi in case you want to look through the data with her.

By now, you've probably reached your destination. I hope it's turned out to be as exciting as you anticipated (though not too exciting). I know I joke about being too old, but even this geriatric can admit that the passion you have for exploring our new galaxy is inspiring. I _almost_ regret that I chose not to stay on the Nexus.

Almost.

But I'm needed here, as is becoming more apparent as we wake up more people from cryo sleep. Most people are fine, but there's always the fringe cases. I guess we're similar in that way - I enjoy a good mystery, too. Or maybe enjoy is the wrong word, but I think you understand.

You're busy, so I'll wrap this up. Just know that we're all rooting for you from the Nexus.

Your friend,  
Harry

Re: Update on Scott

* * *

To: Harry  
From: Nivan

Harry, you can send me as many messages as you want. I'm not saying I'll _answer_ them all, but it's always nice to hear from you. So, yeah. Whenever! (Also, you, a burden? Seriously? That could literally never happen.)

You've probably already heard - since I'm so late replying - but things have taken an exciting turn. The Angara are reasonably suspicious of us, but I think I'll be able to win them over. Their reports on the exiles aren't encouraging, but there's nothing I can do about that, yet.

And Aya... God, Harry, I wish you were here to see it. I'm attaching a few pictures I was allowed to take with my datapad. It's an amazing place - the kind of golden world we'd hoped for with Habitat 7. 

One of the Angarans has tagged along with us as we make our way to the next destination. His name is Jaal, and he says the planet, called Havarl, is beautiful but much more wild and dangerous than Aya. 

We'll be there soon, so I should go, but thanks for all the updates on Scott you've sent so far. Thanks, too, for the many hysterical anecdotes from the med bay. I laughed for a full two minutes at the one where your colleague sent that creeper into quarantine. How did he make it past the review process? Cora says somebody messed up let him through, though of course, Liam wants to give him the benefit of the doubt. (I hope you don't mind that I shared your stories!) 

It might be a little bit before I can respond, but feel free to keep sending those slices of life along with Scott updates. Your notes really make my day and remind me what we're fighting for out here.

Take care of yourself,  
Niv

Updates and random thoughts

* * *

To: Nivan  
From: Harry

So, they've opened up another section of the Nexus. It's not big, just a few hundred apartments for the people coming out of cryo before they get assigned to all these new colonies you're founding, but someone had the bright idea to set up a lounge in one of the empty retail spaces. It's a hodge-podge of sofas, chairs, and tables, and there's nothing being sold there so far. But it's quiet, and best of all, the giant bank of windows provides an amazing view of the planet below. Maybe when you get back, we could meet up there to catch up on your adventures? I know it might be a while based on the progress reports Tann is sharing over the news channel, but I thought I'd mention it since I was thinking about it.

I don't have any funny anecdotes to share today. Unfortunately, the station has been hit hard with some kind of space bug. Nothing life threatening, thank god, but I haven't slept in almost 24 hours. I'll probably regret writing this email while I'm barely keeping my eyes open, but I just... 

I keep thinking about what brought me here. To Andromeda, I mean. I joke about getting old, but when I recall those years before leaving the Milky Way, all I can remember is the feeling of slowly sinking into obscurity. It really felt like my best years were behind me. And I'm not even truly at a mid-life crisis. More like a... one-third life crisis? 

Even so, when your dad came to me about the project, I was excited for the first time in ages. And when he told me you and Scott would be going, too, I felt like... like it wasn't as much of a risk? Because the most important people to me would be there. You all have been a part of my life for so long now that the thought of being separated - it felt wrong. 

And now... some days I'm pulled in so many directions, I have trouble keeping accurate logs. (Side note: Please thank SAM for that algorithm for cataloguing active time based on charting. It's been a literal lifesaver on more than one occasion.) The remnant technology is beyond anything we've even seen - even Prothean tech wasn't this advanced - and the way it integrates biological aspects... I'm going to go on a nerdy doctor rant if I don't stop myself right now, but I think you get the point. It's exciting and engaging and everything I was hoping for when I signed on to this wild adventure.

And yet.

Do you ever think about all the people back there? Some of our asari and krogan friends might still be making trouble in the Milky Way, but all the humans and turians I knew are long dead. Humans live such short lives in the grand scheme of the universe. We're not even a blip in the timeline as a species, let alone as individuals. And when I think about how long some asari and krogan live... is it strange to say I'm jealous? I guess compared to the salarians, we're still ahead, but...

Wow. Apparently, I get morbid AND rambly when I'm tired these days. I would delete all of this and just leave it at the first paragraph, but I'm delirious enough to admit that I want to tell you these things. Just don't refer to me as your "weird friend" to my face. I'm a fragile man.

Yours,  
Harry

Sorry for that last email

* * *

To: Nivan  
From: Harry

Sorry if that last message was too much. Just chalk it up to a weird quirk of mine while sleep-deprived. You said we were friends, though, so no take backs.

Scott is still doing well. I hope you are, too.

Harry

On my way

* * *

To: Harry  
From: Nivan

Sorry for the delay in reply. It's been touch and go these last few days. We're on our way back to Aya to learn more about the vault there, but after that we'll be headed for the Nexus, so be prepared. You've opened the door to the existential ponderings. I hope you don't regret it, especially considering...

No. I'll tell you in person. That lounge sounds like the perfect place to drown in deep thoughts.

And no. It wasn't too much. It was actually the perfect thing to come back to after... everything. 

I'm so grateful for you, Harry. I just want you to know that, ok? It's been hard out here, but it feels easier this time knowing you're there, knowing you care. Reading your notes has become the best part of my day. If anything, you're the one who's going to want to take back the friends thing.

See you soon,  
Niv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the next chapter, I've decided to attempt Harry's POV for at least part of it. We'll see how that goes. XD


	3. After the Moshae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry comes to terms with his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can have nearly 6K of self-indulgent Harry POV. As a treat. :)

Harry dropped the datapad to the mattress, rolled onto his back, and threw an arm over his face. He'd never admit it to Nivan, but that sleep-deprived email had felt like a mistake since the moment he'd hit send. Even now, he couldn't explain why he'd sent it beyond wanting to _know -_ how she'd take it and maybe how much she'd just been humoring him in the past few weeks.

Nothing like spouting pretentious drivel to weed out the platitudes. He exhaled long and slow.

Now, he had to deal with this stupid, fluttery feeling in his chest from her recent email. He hadn't felt like this since... gods above... had it been decades? Yet here he was, pushing fifty and feeling fifteen.

He tried not to think about the fact that when he was fifteen, she hadn't been born yet.

A soft tune started up, blessedly cutting short that train of thought. He dug through the blankets to find the pad and turn off the alarm. The ensuing silence both soothed and grated. He'd been sleeping poorly since the virus outbreak, but with the added anxiety of his poor email choices, the past few nights had left him tossing and turning. He groaned as he rolled over to sit at the edge of the bed, his stiff shoulders and neck screaming at him.

Nope. Still feeling fifty.

"Just _emoting_ like a fifteen year old, then," he muttered to himself. "Perfect."

If he were being honest with himself, he'd admit that he was a little embarrassed by his recent behavior concerning the eldest Ryder twin. Scott's accident had thrown him off balance. Losing Alec and then watching Nivan flatline for 22 wretched seconds on the same day had knocked him over and sent him free floating. 

Up to that point, he'd known the Ryders were important to him in an academic way. They'd always just been there, like a second family to make up for the one he'd lost in the First Contact War. On their first day in Andromeda, the academic had turned into immediate, visceral pain.

Then Nivan had woken up and just... taken over. Like she'd been born for it. He'd seen more than her father in her. He'd seen _her_ , and it had been a fucking _revelation_. At some point between Habitat 7 and their meet up after Eos, Alec Ryder's daughter had become his new gravity.

That night at the Vortex, she'd drawn him into her orbit without even trying. He'd fallen into it before he could think to raise his defenses, and new thoughts - of parted lips and small hands and bare shoulders and golden eyes - blasted through with the power of a mass accelerator to the chest.

Harry groaned again, this time at his own dramatic musings. Cool air pebbled his bare skin, encouraging him to finally push out of bed and pull on his exercise clothes. He resolved to lose himself in a hard workout before his morning shift. Perhaps a bit of strenuous physical activity would knock some sense back into his Nivan-addled brain. It hadn't helped any of the mornings before, but a man could dream.

He left his apartment and jogged to the nearby tram stop. As he approached, he saw a colleague stepping through the doors. He broke into a sprint.

"Marisa! Hold the doors!"

She popped her head out to wave at him. "Sure thing!"

Harry thanked her as he slowed down to step around her and into the otherwise empty tram. He walked to the back, tapped the screen for the rec facility stop, and then hovered his hand over the cryo bay stop.

"Going on shift?"

"Yep, though I'm not sure I'm up for it today." 

Harry tapped the screen and turned to face his coworker. She was a bit older than him, somewhere in her early 50s, and usually a pleasant person to be around. This morning, however, her face had taken on a sour mein.

"Why's that?"

She blinked at him. "Oh, you just got up, then? Well... there was news about-"

The in-tram speakers kicked on, and the Heleus News Service editor's voice blared to life. Marisa just pointed up as the words verbally punched Harry in the gut.

"A major kett stronghold on Voeld has fallen—a decisive blow to kett operations on the ice planet. Resistance leader Anjik Do Xeel praised the efforts of the Initiative, in particular the human Pathfinder's role in taking down the facility. 'We worked together to defeat a common enemy,' the resistance leader told HNS. 'I foresee a great deal of collaboration in the future.'

Reliable sources alleged the stronghold was not a military installation but rather a facility for gruesome scientific experimentation upon the Angara, though Initiative leadership declined to confirm or deny the claim."

He slumped against the side of the tram, his legs turning to jelly as he processed the news. "Experimentation?"

"Yeah, that was about my reaction," Marisa said with a grimace. "You're friends with the Pathfinder, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell her thanks for me, will you? She deserves a medal if she saw the kinds of things I think she did in there."

Suddenly, Ryder's last email made a whole lot more sense.

++

Harry was ten hours into a twelve-hour shift when Marisa breezed by on her way out with an update.

"Heard the Pathfinder just touched down."

"You could stick around and say thanks in person, then," Harry said as he worked to keep the tremor of excitement out of his voice. "She'll probably be by to visit Scott first thing."

"Ah, no. I'd rather not remind her of that while she's visiting her comatose brother."

"Fair," he conceded with a nod before turning back to his terminal to continue entering his charting information. 

She moved to the console next to him. After a few clicks to end her shift in the system, she spoke again.

"You've been quiet today."

Harry's fingers paused on the keyboard. Had he been quieter than normal?

"Sorry, this new virus has me running on too little sleep."

She exhaled a sceptical hum. "As long as you're alright...?"

"I'm fine," he said, turning on his most charming smile. "I promise."

"Well, it's been boring without your usual commentary, so I'll expect you to rest up tomorrow and come back stronger than ever with your trademark quips."

Harry blinked. Marisa watched him for a moment before breaking into a full-bodied laugh.

"You forgot tomorrow was your day off, didn't you?" She shook her head, a few chuckles still escaping her lips. "Once a workaholic, always a workaholic."

Harry turned back to the terminal with a grimace. The accusation wasn't a new one.

"It's easy to forget when the days and nights all blur together." He paused before admitting, "That was always my excuse on the Citadel, anyway."

"Well, this virus is no excuse. There's plenty of us to go around, so you have the day whether you want it or not. Maybe you can spend some time with your Pathfinder friend if she's not buried in meetings and red-tape all day."

The flutters that had died down that morning erupted once more behind his sternum. He sucked in a breath and willed away the burst of heat that followed behind the flutters.

"Maybe so," he agreed, glancing over to give Marisa a smile.

"Well, I'm out for the day. Don't forget that your shift ends in two hours. Maybe set a timer?"

"Ha ha," he deadpanned. 

Marisa laughed as she left the med bay. He was finishing up his charting a few minutes later when an alert came through, along with human vaccine specs.

"Thank the gods," he muttered.

He dropped the file into the correct directory and pressed the button to synthesize the vaccine. A moment later, the overhead speakers kicked on, and Tann's voice echoed across the station. 

"All personnel. Vaccines for the Eos virus are now available. Asaris, krogans, salarians and turians, report to the Nexus med bay. Humans, report to your Hyperion ark med bay. Inoculation must be completed within the next cycle. Thank you very much for your cooperation."

The synthesizer beeped, and Harry attached the 50-dose vial to the injector. Rolling up a sleeve, he injected himself, pushed the device into the quick-sanitizer cap, and then pulled it back out. He turned around to find his colleagues had already done the same. A few doctors were working in the quarantine rooms today, but they could inoculate themselves as well.

"What's the game tonight, Harry?" one of them called out.

"First one to inoculate 100 people wins two uninterrupted hours with the physical therapy hot tub."

A chorus of moans, hopeful chatter, and good-natured trash talk followed the announcement. Harry grinned as he approached Scott. Everyone was tired after these last few days, but a reward like that should keep them focused until the next shift came on. With a full day and night cycle to complete the inoculations, he wasn't too worried about having all hands on deck. Regular shifts should cover it. He dosed Scott, and entered it on the chart just as the first people began to trickle in.

The next few hours flew by. The previous shift left - winner gloating all the way out the door - while the new shift came on. Yet Harry stayed. 

He was on his way to the synthesizer for a fourth vial of vaccine when his eyes snagged on Initiative black in a sea of white and blue. Nivan sat by Scott's side holding his hand. She chose that moment to look up, and he caught his breath as those golden eyes locked on him.

Instead of staying on course to the synthesizer, Harry's feet turned toward Nivan. She stood as he approached, and before he could think better of it, he opened his arms. She slid right into place, her head on his shoulder, arms tight around his ribs. His heart thumped out a too-fast rhythm while his body melted into the feeling of having her close.

He was so fucking screwed.

"Hey, you. I'm glad you're back. This place is falling to pieces without you."

"I'm so happy to see you," she responded with a laugh into his chest. "God, I haven't had a real Harry hug in ages."

He furrowed his brows and tried to think back. They'd never been overly affectionate before the trip to Andromeda, but he remembered bear hugs during those first few years after Ellen Ryder basically adopted him into the family. Nivan had seemed so young to him then. 

She didn't seem that way anymore, and he wondered whether his subconscious had recognized the change long before he'd consciously picked up on it. Why else would he have given up hugging Nivan?

"It's been a while, hasn't it," he replied carefully. "You went off to Mars, and we somehow devolved into side hugs."

She laughed again and squeezed him tightly for a moment before loosening her grip. He reluctantly unwound his arms from around her shoulders but only so that he could take hold of them and get a good look at her.

"You look about as tired as I feel."

"Yeah, I'd have been here sooner, but decontamination took forever - new protocols because of that virus you've been talking about. And then we all had to get vaccinated before we could leave the docks."

"Not just that, though."

She looked down and shook her head. Her hands came up to rub over her face.

"No," she mumbled, "Not just that."

His jaw tensed in sympathy at the pure exhaustion in her voice. "Did you get some quality time with Scott?"

"Yeah, I told him I'm here and a little about what's happened, but..."

"I'm sure he appreciates the update, but he's doing well and isn't exactly going anywhere. Let's ditch this circus show - unless _you're_ leaving again soon?"

She shook her head. "Debriefs are tomorrow, and then I gave the crew a bit of shore leave before we head out again. We'll be here a few cycles."

He nodded, ignoring the flood of warmth at her words. He turned them toward the door, but she resisted.

"What about your shift?"

Heat prickled at the back of his neck. He lifted a hand to rub at the short hairs.

"My shift was over an hour ago."

She stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter. "We're a pair, aren't we?"

He grinned at her, heart leaping into his throat. Stars and universes... he was _so_ screwed.

This time when he turned her toward the door, she allowed it. Despite the curious glances from his colleagues, he kept a hand at the small of her back, partly from a selfish desire to touch but mostly because she looked like she might crash into something if he didn't.

When they got out of the cryo/med bay, Harry paused. Steady traffic flowed in and out of the tram. Every car looked full to bursting and a line had formed to get on. Harry lifted a brow.

"You braved that to get here?"

"After fighting kett, a few lines and crowds don't scare me," she said in a wry tone.

He heard it, though - that undertone of distraught. He'd been ready to suggest they go to the lounge, but he wondered now if that was the best idea. The other option floating on the tip of his tongue was probably inappropriate, but...

"Niv... the lounge is pretty busy most of the time. Maybe... Would you want to just come to my apartment instead?"

She drew her gaze from the tram to stare up at him, eyes wide. _Shit_. He cleared his throat.

"I just thought... Or maybe you want to go back to the Tempest to rest, and we can meet up tomorrow?"

"No! I... That sounds perfect if you're ok with it. I mean, you're right. I'd like to be someplace out of the public eye."

He looked around, and sure enough, people were watching them. "Come on then. Let's leave these gawkers behind."

Instead of heading for the trams, he led them to a side door and placed his hand on a scanner. The door slid open, and they passed through into a blessedly quiet hallway. Without the crowds and distractions, he became aware of the heat seeping through her shirt where his hand still rested at the small of her back. After a few moments of inner debate, he let his hand slide away. The warmth ebbed, leaving his hand cold and his arms hanging listless at his sides. 

He needed to stop touching her so much. It frightened him how much he wanted the opposite.

"It's a bit of a walk," he said to fill the silence that settled between them, "but it'll still be faster than waiting in line."

Nivan looked around, a curious glint in her eyes. "Then you're still living on the Hyperion?"

"All the doctors working with cryo patients are living on board, though we've set up a regular med bay, too, now that more people are out of stasis. We usually divide up the shifts between cryo and med, but when the virus appeared, we stopped pulling people out of cryo and focused on keeping up with treatment."

"You said no fatalities, right?"

"None, though recovery has been more difficult for some."

"They attempted two colonies on Eos before we arrived. Why do you think this virus only appeared now?"

Harry shrugged. "Without the radiation, there's a lot more exploration happening all over the planet. If anything, this has reinforced our decontamination policies both here and in the colonies-" He flashed a grin. "-as you are aware. We're not in the Milky Way any more, and that means new pathogens, poisons and other dangers. We've got so much to learn."

"Hmmm, nerdy science talk," she said with a little laugh. "Tell me more."

The heat rushing to his cheeks surprised him, and an awkward laugh escaped before he could contain it. "Sorry. Just-"

"Hey, no... I didn't mean it in a bad way. I like hearing you talk about things you find exciting."

"No, I didn't... ah... didn't take it in a _bad_ way."

 _Damn it_. Why did he say that? He tried not to read into the answering bloom of red in her cheeks. She was likely just embarrassed by his insinuation. He was, in fact, embarrassing to be around these days. If just reading her emails had messed with his head, having her close enough to touch was bound to scramble his synapses.

A fragile man, indeed. 

Desperate for something to do with his hands, he pushed one through his hair. He let it fall to his side, and electricity coursed through his body when the backs of their hands brushed together. He looked down to find her walking closer than before, and on the next stride, their hands brushed again.

Time seemed to slow down as she lifted her head and they locked gazes. The moment stretched. He felt like he was at a crossroads - act or don't act, take a step forward or remain still. Perhaps she only thought of him as an old friend. Perhaps she felt nothing but platonic affection. But something in her eyes inspired him to be brave. 

Their hands tangled together a third time. Was she doing it on purpose? It didn't matter. He slid his fingers along her palm and took hold of her hand.

He watched her inhale deeply before breaking their gaze. Her profile didn't hide her smile, though, and he let himself drink her in for another moment, skimming his gaze over the smooth copper of her skin and the dark lashes that framed her bright eyes, before facing forward as well. The walls of white blended together, and he tried to focus on the apartment numbers rather than on the way their hands lined up perfectly as they strolled down the empty corridor.

"Just a little bit further," he murmured, glancing toward her.

But she'd moved over again, her body pressing against his arm and partially obscuring her face. Then, her head dropped to his shoulder.

A grown man should not have felt this giddy, like a kid in a candy store. Yet excitement coursed through him, waking him up better than any stimulant. The grin on his face had to be close to manic at this point, and all of it was from holding hands with Nivan Ryder.

His smile faltered a bit as he thought of Alec. What would his friend have thought about this development? Then again, would Harry have noticed Nivan if Alec were still around to be the Pathfinder hero? He wanted to say yes, but his track record with Nivan in the Milky Way made him doubt himself. Was he just getting carried away with her heroics?

He slowed them to a stop in front of his apartment and looked down to find Nivan already gazing up at him, her head still resting on his shoulder. Another thrill suffused his body, and the doubts slipped away. Whatever had woken him up to her strength and beauty, he felt it now with an intensity he'd rarely experienced. He smiled as he opened the door and led them inside.

The apartments on the Hyperion had various configurations but all had the same basic amenities and open floor plan. In his quarters, the kitchen was on the left as they entered, and a small office and dining space were off to the right. Beyond that, the remaining area was divided between the living room straight ahead and the bed and bathroom to the right. He'd moved some bookcases to function as a divider between the living room and bedroom, but only the bathroom was an enclosed space.

"Home sweet home," he said, throwing out the arm that wasn't currently being usurped by a tired Pathfinder. "Can I get you anything to eat or drink? Or just a seat on the most comfortable couch in Andromeda?"

"Sitting down sounds amazing," she said in a soft voice. "Let's do that."

He led her to the couch, and they sat down close together. He didn't want to let go of her hand, yet, and she seemed to feel the same. Her thigh pressed against his, and her head found its place on his shoulder as soon as they'd settled. He tried to keep his nervous energy contained, knowing she needed a friend right now more than anything. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"You don't have to say anything," he reminded her.

"I think I need to, though," she whispered in response.

"I'm here."

She squeezed his hand. He squeezed back.

"Damn," she said on another long exhale as she relaxed into the plush fabric. "This couch _is_ comfortable. Did you bring it special or do I need to put in a complaint that the Tempest couches are like rocks in comparison?"

Harry chuckled softly. Something about the moment made him leery of being too loud. He brushed his thumb over the back of Nivan's hand and was reminded of a dimly lit booth in the Vortex when he'd done something similar... and then had a minor panic attack at the unexpected surge of attraction elicited by the touch.

Now, the action left him breathless in a similar way, but without the panic. He tipped his head to rest his cheek against Nivan's crown.

"I brought it with me. It's one of the few luxuries they allowed. I probably spend more nights sleeping on this couch than I do in my bed."

"It might actually be more comfortable than my bed," Nivan replied.

"Well..." He cleared his throat before continuing. "You're welcome to it any time. I can key you to the door scanner so you can come here and lounge around to your heart's content even when I'm not here."

"You're sweet," she said softly.

His chest burned. He looked down at their clasped hands.

 _Friends_ , he reminded himself. They were friends and nothing more - not yet, maybe not ever. She needed support, so he'd be here for that.

Quiet wrapped around them like a warm blanket, Nivan's slow inhales and exhales the only sounds. Harry closed his eyes and let the moment linger. He rarely spent any time in his apartment, coming here to sleep and shower in between shifts, gym time, and occasional meet-ups with colleagues during his off hours. Being here with Nivan, though - he could see himself spending a lot more time in the apartment if Nivan were there with him.

He blinked his eyes open, and let out a soft sigh. He was getting ahead of himself again.

"The kett aren't killing the angara, Harry. They're turning the angara _into_ kett."

He lifted his head, brows furrowing. "What?"

"They've somehow figured out how to... to change the genetic make-up of the angara and turn them into kett." She looked up at him, a mien of horror twisting her face. "They call it exaltation. Lexi is looking into it, but... it doesn't look like it's reversible. The kett DNA completely destroys the exalted person's genetic code."

He tried to process the words. He tried to think of something to say. All he could do, though, was stare at her.

"I know. It's..." She lifted her free hand to cover her face, her voice wobbling as she continued, "It's horrifying. They don't kill the angara. They steal their genetics and bodies and turn them against their own people."

Harry let go of her hand, and she startled, looking up at him with glistening eyes. He watched understanding dawn on her face, though, as he turned to put his arms around her and pull her against him in another hug. She leaned into him, her arms wrapped around her own torso.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that, Niv. It's terrible."

"I've never wanted to destroy an entire species before, but the hate I feel for the kett... It's overwhelming."

He held on tight, rocking her just a little. Her pain dug a hole in his heart that he didn't know how to fill.

"And it's not just that," she continued in a whisper. "Before exaltation, the angara are tortured both physically and mentally. The kett make them into shells even before the genetic takeover is complete. But some memories remain. The Moshae said that some of the kett remembered her from their lives as resistance fighters but treated those memories like bad dreams they wanted to forget. It's... fuck... I can't-"

She cut off as a sob wracked her body. Harry pulled her closer, and she lifted a hand to curl her fingers into his shirt. He rocked her, a hand coming up to hold her neck and pet through the buzzed hairs at her nape.

"That's it, sweetheart," he murmured into her hair. "Let it out."

She seemed to want to crawl into him. Her fingers dug and clawed their way up and around his neck. His eyes burned with sympathetic tears as her body shook in his arms. He continued to massage her neck and tightened his hold around her waist. She curled in on herself, her legs contracting toward her body, knees resting over his thighs, until he reached down and pulled her fully into his lap.

When her sobs eased into quiet hiccups, he stilled the hand at her nape and gave her neck a gentle squeeze. She sighed into his shoulder.

"'M sorry."

He shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry for. Sounds like you needed that."

"But... you..."

"I told you," he picked up as she trailed off. "I want to be here for you. You have a lot of pressure on you as the Pathfinder, but you know me, Niv. You can be yourself around me. You're strong for us all out there, so let me be strong for you while you're here."

"Does the strong man have a tissue?" came her muffled reply.

Harry laughed as he leaned their entwined bodies forward to grab a few tissues from the built-in holder on the table. He tried to ignore the sense of loss as she pulled away to clean up. She seemed to notice her position for the first time, and red bloomed in her cheeks. But she didn't pull away. Instead, she threw the tissues in the garbage, turned back to him, and grimaced at his shirt. 

"I think I've ruined your shirt."

He looked down at the wet patch and shrugged. "It'll wash."

He swallowed as she looked up at him through sooty lashes. She'd ended up firmly in his lap, her knees curled around his ribs and his arms around her waist. He focused on her tear-stained face instead of the heat growing in his belly. The last thing he needed was to ruin the moment with an ill-timed physical response.

"Do you want to change?" she asked.

"Depends."

"On?"

"If you'll stay while I do."

She looked down and bit her lip. His libido flared, and he prayed to whatever higher power might listen that he could keep his urges in check. Her hand landed on his chest, light as the brush of a butterfly wing but no less damaging to his self control.

"You want me to stay?"

"Of course."

"You... do you mean... stay the night?"

He swallowed hard as time seemed to slow yet again. He could take the safe route and push her firmly back into friends territory. Or, he could leave things open and see where this growing feeling took them. Despite his misgivings - about her true feelings and about the appropriateness of a more intimate relationship - he couldn't imagine a world in which he didn't at least _try_.

"If you're comfortable with that. I want to spend as much time with you as I can before you have to leave again. Is that ok?"

She sucked in a breath and met his gaze again. A fire flared in those amber depths, and he nearly leaned forward to catch her lips before remembering her emotional state. Tonight was not the time to be starting anything intense. Instead, he beat back the desire and focused on how grateful he was for her presence, her strength, and her friendship. It must have done something to his face, because her lips turned upward in a shy smile as she nodded and slipped off his lap.

He stood and turned toward his wardrobe before she could see where all the blood rushing through his ears was headed. He picked through his closet for sleep pants. He didn't normally use them, so it took some digging. He threw a pair over his shoulder before picking up his smallest pair and twisting halfway around to look at Nivan.

"Did you... uh, would you want something to change into, too?"

"Yeah, if you've got something that would fit."

He threw her the drawstring pants. "Let me find a shirt."

He dug a bit more, coming up with a couple of t-shirts. He turned around to find her standing behind him and thrust the smaller t-shirt toward her.

"You can go first if you want," he said.

She shook her head. "You're the one with the snot spot on your shirt. You go."

He laughed and nodded, heading off to change and clean his teeth. Once finished, he paused to look at the toothbrush before slipping it into the sterilization case and heading back to the living room. Nivan was slouched down into the couch, eyes closed. He approached quietly and debated a moment before kneeling down to take her hand. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Your turn. I put my toothbrush on a cleaning cycle if you want to use it. It should be done by the time you get in there."

She smiled and nodded before attempting to lift herself off the couch. He stood and used his grip on her hand to pull her up, letting out a huff of surprise when she curled her arms around him instead of heading to the bathroom. He hugged her shoulders, and then, in another moment of daring, pressed a kiss into her dark hair.

"Thank you, Harry. I needed this. All of it. God, I... you're worth your weight in platinum, you know that?"

Before he could respond, she wiggled out of his grasp and ducked into the bathroom, leaving him standing in his living room with a goofy grin on his face. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He had another choice to make now. Should he assume they were sleeping separately? Or ask if she wanted to share his bed?

On one hand, she'd been through a lot tonight, so the safer bet was to take the couch and let her have the bed. On the other hand, he really wanted to hold her. He would have thought the idea a selfish one, but her actions tonight made it seem like she might want that, too.

Wandering back to the closet, he pulled out another pillow and a blanket and then plopped down on the couch with a long exhale. He threaded both hands through his hair before pulling them down to rub his eyes. He was so tired. Maybe with the virus taken care of, he could finally get a good night's sleep.

The door to the bathroom opened, and he looked over. All thoughts of sleep escaped him as she stepped into the dimly lit room. His clothes hung from her petite frame in a way that should have been sloppy, but instead, it was sexy as hell. He once again willed his libido to take a back seat, especially as she seemed to be talking to him.

"-your clothes refresher."

"Hmmm? Oh, yeah, you can use it, it's..."

He trailed off at her amused smile. "Yeah, I did. That's what I said." The smile faded. "You look tired, too, Harry. You've been working too hard."

The words should have elicited a surge of bitter feelings. All his past relationships had ended because he couldn't seem to stop working long enough to build a lasting connection. Instead, though, her words reminded him of her own demanding job that would likely keep them apart most of the time. Maybe if they prioritized each other during the short windows of time they could be together, they could make something work.

And maybe he was getting ahead of himself yet again.

"Let's get some sleep, then. Do you want... ah..."

He trailed off as she approached and slid into his lap, her thighs bracketing his hips. She curled her arms around his shoulders and pressed her face into his neck. 

"I want to be close to you," she whispered against his skin.

 _Fuck_. He stuttered through an exhale as his hands hung uselessly in the air until they came to rest on her thighs. Where did all the air go? He felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen. Or perhaps that was the lack of blood to his brain as it all suddenly flowed south.

He couldn't stay like this. He'd do something stupid if they stayed like this.

"Hold on," he rasped.

He curled his fingers under her thighs and stood up in one smooth motion, silently thanking his past self for the extra gym time. She gasped and pulled back to look at him with wide eyes even as she locked her legs around his waist. The press of her body against his made it difficult to think, but he managed to direct his feet to the bed. Moving an arm around her waist, he used the other to throw back the blankets and then lifted a knee to the bed to gently lay her down. In his bed. 

A high-pitched whine started up inside his head, and he recognized the inner lizard brain begging him to take a taste. He lifted his head to stare down at her, his gaze zeroing in on her lips.

Fortunately for his sanity, she unlocked her legs as soon as her back hit the mattress, and Harry leaned away in order to help her under the covers. Instead of following after her, he backed away.

"Just a second," he whispered in answer her quizzical look.

He turned from the bed, using the moment to clear away the lust-addled thoughts. After tonight, he could no longer deny how badly he wanted her, but her friendship was more important than any physical release. They needed to talk through this, and tonight wasn't the time for that.

He grabbed his pad from the table and brought it back to the bed, turning down the lights as he climbed into bed. Nivan had scooted to the far side to make room, so he reached out and found her hand.

"Come closer?"

He moved to meet her in the middle and pulled her against his side. She rested her head on his chest and breathed out a sigh.

"We should talk more," she whispered, her words slow as if she were already half asleep. "Tomorrow."

"I'd like that," he whispered back. "Sleep now."

She hummed and snuggled closer. He let out a long, slow breath and tried to keep his heart inside his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've already blown having the letters every other chapter. So, they'll be every few chapters. :)
> 
> Next chapter, we'll be back with Nivan's POV, and let's be honest, probably some smutty smut.


	4. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nivan and Harry get some time to themselves to talk things through... among other things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CW: Thar be lemons ahead. Starts with the couch kiss and goes all the way to the end of the chapter.**

Waves of heat and brightness pulled Nivan toward wakefulness. As she became more aware of her surroundings, she localized the heat to a long swath down her back and curving around...

Her eyes flew open but then slammed shut again at the blinding light from a wall of unfamiliar windows. She didn't need to see, though, to know the warmth and weight of a man's arm around her waist. Cracking her eyes open more carefully this time, she looked down to find a large hand resting on the mattress in front of her, and she stared at it while her brain caught up with reality.

That was Harry's hand. She was in bed with _Dr. Harry Carlyle_ \- the man who'd caught her teenage eye with his pretty face and later stolen her heart with his kindness, the man she'd assumed would never look at her as anything but a kid, and the man who was now plastered against her back like a barnacle, his soft breath feathering down her neck and giving her chills despite the fact that she was decidedly overwarm. A slow smile spread across her face.

Harry was a _cuddler_. And he was cuddling with _her_.

The smile faded as more of the previous night came back to her. She'd sat in his lap not once, but twice. She'd cried in his arms. She'd held his hand.

No. That wasn't right, though. _He'd_ held _her_ hand. And he'd been the one to blush and all but admit he'd taken her nerdy scientist comment in a dirty way. 

She relaxed into the bed once more, intent on enjoying the moment, until SAM's voice filtered through their private channel.

_Apologies for disturbing you, Nivan, but your debriefing with Nexus leadership starts in one earth hour._

_Fifteen more minutes, SAM_ , she thought back at him.

 _Noted_.

Deep, long breaths puffed through the fine hairs of her undercut, and she held back a sigh of contentment. How many times had she imagined a moment like this? Granted, her dreams typically involved a bit more action the night before, but even this - just waking up in his arms - felt better than anything she could dream up. 

She eased a hand out from under her pillow and down to where Harry's hand lay on the mattress. Up close, she could see he took good care of his hands - well manicured nails and soft skin. They were healing hands.

Her heart raced at the first touch, soft and light, as she slid her finger tips over a smattering of hair at his wrist and then over the back of his hand to his knuckles. A few scars littered the ridges, and she ghosted over them, wondering when and where and how. She longed to know every detail. 

Thoughts whispered through her head - that this couldn't last, that he'd find someone else who could be there for him, that she didn't deserve his healing hands when her own were coated in blood. She swept them back and locked them away in the recesses of her mind. If her time was limited, she wouldn't waste it on feeling sorry for herself.

She continued her journey up his fingers to the shaped cuticles and smooth grain of his blunt nails. A shiver ran down her spine as she imagined what he might do with those big hands... and where they might go. The thought left her breathless, and without thinking, she slipped her fingers between his.

His breathing changed, the soft puffs against her nape turning shallower and slightly staggered. She stilled her hand, but it was too late. His arm tightened around her middle until-

He paused, the stillness lingering as he held his breath. She finished curling her fingers through his, pressed her palm to the back of his hand, and then brought it to her mouth to press a kiss to his palm. The movement pulled him closer, and his exhale shivered over the side of her neck.

"Good morning," she murmured as she tucked his hand under her chin.

"A very good morning," he responded, his voice rough with sleep.

Her heart thumped double time at his insinuation. It kicked up another notch when he pressed his palm against her collarbone and something soft brushed against her neck.

"Nivan..."

Her name fell from his lips as little more than an exhale and caressed the same spot on her neck. Her eyes blew wide as she realized the soft brush had been a kiss.

Warmth slid down her spine and settled low in her belly. Her body moved without permission, a restless clenching of muscles that pressed her back into the length of his body. He gave a quiet hiss and moved his hips away, but she knew. She _felt_.

Slowly, she turned under his arm, afraid that facing him might break this quiet moment. But she needed to see his face. She'd been dreaming of this for too long to do anything in half measures.

Soft green eyes and a lop-sided smile greeted her, and she couldn't help smiling back. She dared to mimic him and lift an arm to loop it around his middle, her face coming to rest inches from his on the pillow. The reflected solar light shining into the room highlighted the gray and gold specks in his eyes, glinted off the silver in his hair, and gave his skin a rich amber glow.

Damn, the man was beautiful.

"Did you sleep ok?" she asked, careful to keep her voice soft.

"I did - better than I have in weeks. You?"

She let her smile turn lazy. "Same. I didn't wake up once. I think that's an Andromeda record. You're a fantastic bed partner, Harry."

And, oh, _gods_. There he went again with the blushing.

"I think that might be the first time someone's said that to me _before_ we-" He cut off, the tips of his ears burning brighter. He exhaled an awkward laugh. "Not that we're going to... I mean, I want-"

He grimaced so hard his eyes closed. He peeked one eye open a moment later.

"Can I start over? I haven't had my morning dose of caffeine, yet."

Utterly charmed, Nivan threw back her head and laughed. "Harry Carlyle, you are adorable. Here, I'll make it easy for you." She shifted closer until their noses bumped before continuing in a low tone. "I really like you. A lot. And it seems like maybe you like me back. But you should know that I don't expect anything. If it's going to be too complicated or mess things up for you, we can just stay like this... as friends. It's up to you." She paused. Licked her lips. "But maybe while you're thinking it over, remember this?"

And then, before she could talk herself out of it, she closed the last bit of distance and pressed her mouth to his.

Her lips tingled on contact, the connection sparking and urging her body to push harder, go faster. She kept things light, though, and reveled in living out one of her longest-running fantasies. His lips were as soft as she'd always imagined, pillowing under her own.

She pulled away after a few seconds to find him staring at her, his pupils blown wide. Little puffs of air gusted over her lips, and she couldn't help the way it drew her attention. Already, she craved more, wanted to know what it would feel like if he actually kissed her back.

And then she didn't have to wonder anymore as Harry surged forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss. She gasped at the onslaught of heat, and he took the opening, flicking his tongue over hers while his hand curled around her jaw. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, pulled back, and then came back for more, angling his head and leaning into her. 

A stuttering whimper sounded through the room, and she realized it had come from her. Another time and she might have been embarrassed, but the influx of sensation overloaded rational thought. She let herself go, let herself be caught in the undertow, let herself feel this moment that was no doubt some kind of fever dream.

Harry Carlyle could not be kissing her. And certainly not like _this_ , like he couldn't get enough, like he was drowning in the need to be closer.

His hand moved from her jaw, down her arm, and then to her lower back where it fisted into the extra material of her shirt. She hooked her leg over his hip, and then they were pressed together, mouths moving in tandem. The ache in her gut intensified and pooled lower at the feel of him. He pulled away for a moment to suck in a breath and then dove in again, rocking his body into hers, a deep groan reverberating through his chest. She rolled her hips, delighting in the way his breath caught between their lips, and slipped a hand over the stubble of his cheek, around his neck-

_Nivan, you have 41 Earth minutes until your debriefing._

She broke away and cursed between heavy pants. At least SAM had given her a few extra minutes before interrupting. Harry tried to follow her lips, his eyes half closed, lids heavy with desire, but she stopped him with a hand to the chest. He seemed confused for a moment, but then his expression shifted, concern replacing the want in his gaze.

"Sorry," he rasped. "Was that too much? I got carried away-"

"No, that's not... damn it..." she stuttered between breaths, "I have to get ready for my debriefing with Director Tann. I'm so sorry."

She leaned in to kiss him again, just a brush of lips. Harry met her half-way but then pulled back instead of pushing for more. Her fingers curled into his nape and squeezed. He really was too good.

"I don't want to go," she whispered.

He pressed his forehead to hers, and she heard him swallow through his own rough breathing. "To respond to your earlier declaration, I like you a lot, too, and I want us to talk about this more. But I understand you have responsibilities." He lifted his head and kissed her brow before meeting her gaze. "Go be a Pathfinder. I'll be here when you're done."

She nodded as she savored a final few moments in his arms. Then she slipped from the bed to get dressed. When she came out of the bathroom, she found him in his kitchen pouring something that looked and smelled a lot like real coffee into a travel mug.

"Is that...?"

He shook his head. "Synthetic. But it's the best formula I've found."

He turned around to hand her the mug and watched her take the first sip. She smirked as she raised the mug to her lips and his eyes followed. 

"It's good," she murmured after the first burst of flavor over her tongue. "I could get used to this."

She sauntered forward and placed a hand over his heart to reinforce the double meaning behind her words. She still couldn't believe she was getting to see him like this - casual and sleep disheveled. He gave her a slow smile before leaning down to press a soft kiss to her mouth. 

"Hmmm... me, too," he said against her lips.

It took another reminder from SAM to pull her away from his addictive kisses and get her out the door. She was two minutes late to the meeting, but she really couldn't have cared less.

++

"Soooo..." Cora drawled as they left Tann's office two hours later.

Nivan rubbed her temples, her head throbbing from the incessant demands of the mini dictator of the Nexus. She looked over at her friend, lifting an eyebrow in question.

"You didn't come back to the Tempest last night."

Nivan snorted. "Were you spying on me, Harper?"

"Hardly. I came looking for you to chat. SAM said you were with _Harry_."

"Traitor," Nivan mumbled under her breath.

"Apologies if I misstepped, Ryder," SAM said through her comms so Cora could hear, too.

"No, no," Nivan said with a half laugh. "My crew does need to know where I am. The whole thing was just... unexpected. We didn't plan it."

"Really? The way Liam described your date at the Vortex-"

"It wasn't a date."

Cora shrugged. "Whatever it was, he said you two looked pretty cosy."

"We're..."

Nivan frowned and trailed off, unsure how to explain. In truth, she didn't know what they were. Cora bumped their shoulders.

"You don't have to say anything. I know you've been pining after him for years. It's about time he figured out how amazing you are."

"Gee, thanks," Nivan murmured, fighting a rush of heat to her face at her friend's teasing. "We didn't... we've only kissed so far. I'm not sure what he wants from this, but he said he liked me a lot and wants to talk about it."

"That's encouraging."

Nivan nodded and allowed a small smile to break through. "And he's a really good kisser."

"Ooooo, even better," Cora said with a laugh. "Are you going back there now?"

"I was going to check in with the other Nexus leadership, but... it's Harry's day off-"

"And we'll be here for a couple of days yet," Cora broke in.

"Yeah," Nivan said with a smile.

Cora wrapped an arm around Nivan's shoulders. She returned the favor by squeezing Cora around the waist.

"I'm really happy for you, Niv. Now, let's go pack you a bag so you can have a proper sleepover with your boyfriend."

Nivan growled and dug her fingers into Cora's side. A yelp of laughter echoed down the hallway to the tram as Nivan broke away and Cora chased after. 

And even though the horror of their recent mission still lingered in the dark corners of her mind, Nivan let herself have the moment of levity. They would return to the hard realities of Helius soon enough. For now, she would allow friendship - and maybe something more - to be a balm to her wounds.

++

Nivan blew out a breath as she stopped in front of Harry's apartment. She'd sent him a message to let him know she was done and heading back but hadn't received a reply. Doubt crept in as she shifted from one foot to the other in front of the door, packed bag in hand. What if he'd changed his mind? What if he hadn't meant anything serious by it? What if she'd just hallucinated it all and-

"You just gonna stand there all day?"

Nivan jumped out of her skin, whirling around to find Harry leaning against the wall a few doors down, arms and ankles crossed in a picture of nonchalance. He wore gray shorts that showed off thick, well-defined thigh and calf muscles and a sinfully tight black compression shirt that highlighted every dip and bulge of muscle, especially with his arms crossed like that. She took a breath, and words spilled out before she could catch them.

"Well... you didn't answer my message, and I thought maybe you didn't want... uh..."

Fuck. _Fuck_. Only Harry could get her to spout out the stupid insecurities she normally kept buried under polished professionalism when all she wanted to do was hide them away from him. Harry frowned at her response as he pushed away from the wall. She tried to swallow down her apprehension, rolling her shoulders back and standing up straighter. His frown deepened as he approached.

"Niv... relax." 

He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders, his fingers curling around her back and thumbs brushing her collarbones. The tension melted out of her body at the feel of his warm hands kneading into her muscles.

"Sorry," she breathed. "You might have figured out by now... I'm not as put together as I seem."

A hint of disapproval edged his hum. "You're under tremendous pressure. Give yourself a break."

He leaned forward to press a lingering kiss to her forehead, and she raised her arms, intending to pull him into a hug. The sound of a door opening down the hall, however, broke them apart. She turned to watch a petite, dark-haired woman in a doctor's uniform pop into the hall. Her short, straight hair swayed around her chin as she strode toward them, and a broad, somewhat mischievous smile lit up her face when she noticed them watching her.

"Ah, Harry, I see you remembered your day off after all." Her twinkling, dark-eyed gaze shifted to Nivan, and she held out her hand as she came up even with them. "Hi there, Pathfinder. I'm Marisa. I work with this jokester in the med bay, but he's been off his game, lately. Maybe you could help with that?"

"Um..." Nivan blinked and took Marisa's hand before her brain finally came back online. "I'll see what I can do."

Next to her, Harry exhaled a put-upon sigh. "Everyone's a critic. You're on your way in?"

"Yep. I'll be dealing with the vaccine stragglers this afternoon." Marisa began to walk away, but then turned around to walk backwards. "You know, I'm supposed to be off tomorrow, but I wouldn't mind working if someone wanted to trade for an extra day off. Just saying."

She didn't wait for an answer before whirling around, though she did wiggle her fingers over her shoulder and call out a sing-songy, "nice to meet you, Pathfinder," before booking it to the tram stop. Nivan watched her go and then slowly turned to look at Harry. An apologetic grimace contorted his handsome face.

"Sorry about Marisa. She's great, but also... a lot."

"You guys are old friends?"

He shook his head as he opened the apartment door and waved her in. "She worked at the Benning colony before joining the Initiative. We met during orientation. As you've discovered, she thinks I'm funny."

Nivan smiled and ignored the twinge of jealousy as the door closed behind them. "I think you're funny, too. And handsome."

"Good to know," he replied with a smirk.

She got no other warning before he grabbed the hem of his tight shirt and peeled it off his body. Her brain screeched to a halt at the expanse of glistening muscle now on full display.

"I went to the gym while you were at your debriefing. Give me a few minutes to shower, and I'll be all yours for the day."

All she could think was "yes please." She must have managed some kind of response because he walked toward her, stopping when his chest was mere inches from her face. A conflagration burst to life inside her and traveled up her neck as she took in the chiseled muscle laid out for her perusal. The man certainly did take excellent care of his body.

"Hey now, eyes up here, Pathfinder."

Warm humor dripped from his voice, like honey off a spoon, and she glanced up to find him grinning at her. She shrugged, crossing her arms and raising a brow.

"You're the one who took your shirt off, buddy. Deal with the consequences."

He laughed before knocking a finger under her chin and pressing a soft kiss to her lips. She chased his mouth as he pulled away, snatching one more peck before he backed himself into the bathroom, both of them grinning at each other the whole way.

When the door closed, she pressed a hand to her overwarm cheeks and wandered deeper into the room. She hadn't been in a state to notice much last night, especially after they got to the couch, so she dropped her bag on the floor and wandered around the room. Harry didn't have many personal items on display, but a flicker of rotating images on the built-in holo screens caught her eye. Most included people she'd never met in places she'd never been, but she recognized a few from her mom's Citadel parties. 

Her smile turned bittersweet as an image of Ellen Ryder blinked to life. She stood in the center of the room dressed in a sparkling gown, her champagne glass raised as if giving a toast. Niv couldn't quite place the event - her mother had held many parties, especially when she wanted to drum up funding for a new research scheme - but a play symbol at the bottom of the image promised further context in the form of a video. She pushed the button, and the frame came to life, voices and music pumping into the living room of a ship hundreds of years in the future. Her mom's voice rose over the din.

"Friends and colleagues, thank you so much for coming tonight as we celebrate the new year."

Her mother waved to the side, encouraging a younger Scott and Nivan to join her. The bittersweet feeling in Nivan's gut intensified as she watched the two of them - they must have been around nineteen at the time - push and pull each other until young Nivan got Scott in a headlock and dragged him to stand by their mother's side. Ellen then returned the favor by putting Nivan in a headlock as well and laughing through the next part of her speech.

"I'm happy to say that after graduating with honors, Scott and Nivan will be leaving us to pursue their own careers and lives. Alec and I will miss them greatly, but I know they'll make us proud. So, here's to Scott and Nivan."

In the video, Ellen and Nivan released their holds, and the three Ryders raised their glasses. A chorus of voices echoed the sentiment, including that of her father, his voice loud like he was right next to the camera, and she realized he must have been the one recording. Sorrow knifed through the bittersweetness of the moment, and she raised her hand to pause the video.

Just then, however, a younger Harry appeared on screen and caught young Nivan up in a giant bear hug. The heat that had ebbed since Harry's earlier teasing rushed back as she got a good look at the obvious pining on her younger self's face.

"Girl, if only you could see yourself now," she murmured as she paused the video and flicked forward to the next photo.

More photos faded in and out, but Nivan walked away, no longer interested in reliving any old memories. Losing her mom had been hard, but at least with the long-term illness, they'd had a chance to say goodbye. Her dad, though... The wound was too fresh.

She moved to the couch and sat down. Spreading her hands out over the suede-like fabric, she pushed the hurt and sorrow aside in favor of recalling better memories from the night before - the feeling of Harry's arms around her, of burying her face in his neck, of her thighs stretching around his hips.

_Should I mute the connection for today, Nivan?_

"Ahhh, yes..." she stumbled aloud, even as she remembered she didn't need to speak. _Yep. Good call,_ she finished in her head.

_I am not certain if I should be glad or concerned that you so often forget I am here."_

She laughed at that because it was true. She had forgotten for a moment.

_It's not you. I'm just distracted lately._

_You seem in better spirits when you are with Dr. Carlyle. I gather it is because he reciprocates your affection._

_It certainly doesn't hurt,_ she thought back. _He's always been a friend, though. You saw the video._

_Yes. Thank you for the insight. Contact me if you need anything._

_I will. Thanks, SAM._

_Of course, Nivan._

The bathroom door opened a few moments later, but Nivan kept her eyes closed. If Harry truly wanted to talk about things first, she'd need to get a handle on her self control. She inhaled a deep, calming breath, and the mild, fresh scent of Initiative-issued body cleanser filled her nose, familiar and grounding. Nivan lifted her lids to half mast and watched Harry, dressed casually in gray trousers and a t-shirt, walk to the wall opposite and tap on a control pad. The soft opening strains of a familiar classical piano piece filled the air, and Nivan hummed.

"Mom loved this one. Who is it again?"

"Chopin."

"Ah, right." Then she laughed as it hit her. "This song is a thousand years old."

He blinked and then broke into a gruff chuckle. She loved it. She loved seeing him laugh and loved making him laugh even more. She reached out and made grabby hands at him.

"Come here?"

His smile faded into something soft even as his eyes swept over her body where she'd slouched down into his couch. A glimmer of heat flared in his eyes, and she repeated her hand gesture. He hummed a laugh and obeyed, coming to sit next to her. He turned to face her, his knee coming up on the seat to press into her thigh as he lifted his arm over the back of the couch. She reached out and took his free hand in hers, and he watched intently as she laced her fingers through his.

"So," she said in the most matter-of-fact tone she could manage, "you wanted to talk?"

He looked up from their linked fingers and then raised them to press a kiss to the back of her hand. She melted further into the couch. Lowering their hands to rest on his thigh, he nodded.

"If you were anyone else, I might not worry as much about talking things through, but..." He paused and shook his head. "You've been important to me for a long time, Niv. The attraction is new - or at least the depth of it - and I want to make sure that we take care of our friendship first and foremost. Because sex? I can do without." He glanced down and their hands again before leveling her with his intense gaze. "What I can't do without is _you_."

His words left her speechless. It was almost too much to process. She wondered if she looked like a fish out of water, the way she gaped and tried to speak all at once.

"Harry, you... don't worry about that. I mean, there's literally no universe where I wouldn't want you in my life. The rest is just details."

He smiled at her, a bright but tenuous thing. "I also... I'm not really interested in casual relationships. If we started something, I'd want to be exclusive."

"Believe me, that's not a problem," she responded with a laugh.

He laughed with her even as his brows furrowed in confusion. "I think I missed the joke."

Nivan bit her lip, debating how much she should reveal about her embarrassingly long-term crush. His eyes narrowed, as if suspecting her of laughing at him. She shook her head.

"I already told you, Harry. I like you a lot. I..." She looked across the room at the images fading in and out, unable to hold his gaze. "I have for a long time, so this is all pretty much 'dream come true' territory for me. I know it's not that way for you, but honestly, the fact that you want to be with me at all... I'm still having a little trouble believing it."

The sound of skin sliding on fabric preceded the soft curve of his fingers around her neck. She steeled herself and looked at him again. His gaze raked over her face as if searching for any hint of a joke or tease.

"I didn't know," he murmured.

"I didn't want you to know. I'm sort of sorry I told you even now."

"I'm not."

The normal hint of gravel in his voice had turned into a rawness she'd never heard before. Her eyes widened as his fingers curled tighter around her neck and gave a little tug. She was helpless to do anything but follow.

Their mouths met in a firm press, and Harry held her there as if trying to reassure her. She brought her free hand up to mimic his hold, curling her fingers around his neck, feeling the heavy thud of his heartbeat through his skin. Her boldness from last night returned, and she nipped at his lip before pulling away to watch him as she shifted to her knees. A pink tongue darted out to lick his lips. She leaned in to kiss him again while swinging her leg over his lap.

Their fingers slipped apart when she raised both hands to hold his face. His found a home low on her hips. She pulled back just enough to brush her lips over his.

"Is this ok?"

"More than," he assured her. "Anything you want, Niv."

"Good," she breathed into his mouth. "I want everything."

With that, she was done talking. Their mouths moved together in a perfect dance of breath and sensation while their hands took time to explore one another. She gasped into his mouth as he slid warm palms underneath her shirt and up her back, gliding over her heated skin and setting her on fire. She returned the favor and slid her hands down over his neck and pecs, thumbing over already taut nipples and kneading into rock-hard abs.

Sounds of heavy breathing filled the room and drowned out the soft, sad piano music still playing in the background. Her thoughts fixated on the skin she'd seen but never been able to touch, and she was greedy. Her hands grabbed at his hem, and they broke apart long enough for her to strip off his shirt. A low laugh followed as she placed her hands on his bare skin and let out a little whimper.

"Like that, do you?"

She growled at him and nipped at his lip. "You know I do."

"Your turn," he said as he kneaded fingers into her back and leaned forward to nip at her jaw in return. "Let me see you."

Molten heat throbbed low in her belly, and she scrambled to pull the top up and over her head. Her eagerness was well rewarded by the cut off sound in the back of Harry's throat. He reached up to slide his fingers down the satin shoulder straps that held up the universe's tiniest scrap of a bra. The fine lace mesh - black, of course - left nothing to the imagination. She smirked and arched her back.

"Fuck, Niv. You're-"

Instead of finishing the sentence, he spread his big hands around her ribs, leaned forward, and wrapped his lips around a taut nipple peeking through the lace. She moaned and bent over the heat of his mouth. His hands slid around to grip her back, keeping her in place as his tongue worked over the sensitive nub. Sensation took over, pulling her into a haze of want, desire burning brighter with each stroke. Her hand found its way into his hair, tangling in the salt and pepper strands while he kissed across her chest to lavish attention on her other breast.

"-so beautiful," he murmured into her skin before taking the nipple into his mouth and sucking.

A sharp ache shot down her spine and settled between her legs. She lowered herself further into Harry's lap and found exactly what she craved in the thick length pressing against his pants. Harry's mouth went slack over her breast and he puffed out a few deep breaths. She rolled her hips, and he groaned.

Harry's fingers danced down her back and locked onto her hips, guiding her into a measured rock. With each press against him, she felt her control slip a little more. At this point, she had no agenda, no plan for what came next. She could only let the sensations build, a part of her still marveling that Harry Carlyle had his mouth on her breast. That Harry Carlyle had shifted his hand to-

In a single, deft move, she found herself flat on her back with Harry hovering over her. His eyes were black with lust, his breaths washing over her as he stared at her like a starving man. His next words reinforced the image and sent a bolt of pure lust to her core.

"Wanna taste you."

It wasn't phrased like a question, but she could hear it in his tone anyway. She nodded furiously.

"Yes... gods, _yes_."

At that, he leaned down to kiss her, deep and slow. And she wondered how he knew it was exactly what she needed to ground herself in the moment. She lifted her chin as he moved down to her jaw and licked over her pulse point. She sighed her pleasure, her hands coming up to glide over his back and shoulders as he moved down her chest, kissing over each nipple before nipping his way down her stomach. 

She helped him take off her pants, and she could hear him swallow at the sight of the matching panties. She slipped her fingers into the hip bands to pull them down, but he stopped her.

"Leave them on."

A thrill bubbled up in her chest. "I guess the lingerie was a good call, then."

Instead of answering, he leaned down and pressed a kiss just above where she ached for him. Her legs fell open at that, and he settled between them kissing just a little further down, his bottom lip brushing over her clit. She whimpered and arched her back, but a moment later, a firm hand pressed down on her stomach. She looked down and thought she might come just from the sight of Harry Carlyle's head between her legs.

She'd fantasized about it before, of course, the way he might tease her, might use his mouth to make her scream his name. Nothing, however, compared to the actual sight of him looking up at her with those blown out pupils while he leaned down and licked her through a pair of see-through lace underwear.

The first touch had her throwing her head back in ecstasy. He used just the right pressure to stroke and tease through the sheer material, his free hand smoothing down her inner thigh. Pleasure built like an inferno, and she knew she wouldn't last. She'd wanted this for too long. 

When his fingers smoothed down her thigh to rest at the edge of the underwear, she moaned in anticipation. When those fingers slipped underneath to stroke her slick folds, she gasped, her walls clenching in a bright burst of pleasure. She rose higher with every touch, and when he gently moved the underwear aside to put his mouth directly on her, she knew it was over. A slide of tongue, a suck on her clit, and she fell over the edge with a cry of his name.

He worked her through it until she finally had to push him away. She blinked at him, her vision still a bit hazy from the force and quickness of her orgasm. As things started to come back into focus, she vaguely noted him wiping his face with his discarded shirt.

"Damn, you're good at that," she managed through her lethargy.

He smirked at her from his position between her legs. And stars above, if that wasn't a sight she could get used to. As the euphoria wore off, however, she wondered why he hadn't moved up to join her.

"C'mere," she encouraged. "I want you to feel good, too."

Instead of eager agreement, Harry turned and pressed his face into her thigh. She frowned, unsure of what had caused the strange mood. She got her answer a moment later when he sighed and lifted his head.

"It's... been a while for me. And, damn, you looked so fucking hot when you came..." He leaned his cheek against her leg and closed his eyes in a grimace. "What I'm trying to say is I'm going to need some time to regroup before we do anything else involving Harry, Jr."

A startled laugh burst out of Nivan at both the name and the sudden understanding. "Please tell me you don't actually call your dick Harry, Jr."

He lifted a brow. "What? Deal Breaker? How about lil Carlyle?"

She howled out a tortured "no," but the effect was ruined when she couldn't hold back her laughter. Harry laughed, too, and kissed her thigh. A moment later, he grimaced, and the laughter turned to a wry chuckle.

"Damn. I feel like a horny teenager coming in my pants like that. Should've jacked off in the shower first." They laughed again before his face sobered, and he finally crawled up her body to lay next to her. "You do things to me, Niv."

"Turnabout is fair play," she murmured through her smile before pulling him in for a kiss.

They stayed that way for long moments, lips moving in lazy harmony. Pressure built under her sternum, and she recognized the feeling as contentment. Not just the physical kind, but a deep sense of comfort that leached into her bones the longer they lay there, wrapped up in one another. Eventually, though, Harry pulled away and grimaced.

"Sorry, I need to-"

She pushed at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Do what you need to."

He climbed over her to stand up, and then just stood there looking down at her. She could see the renewed interest in his eyes, so she deliberately stretched, her back arching off the couch.

"Screw it," he muttered before leaning down to grab her up into his arms.

"Harry!" she screeched through laughter. "What are you doing?"

"What's the use in cleaning up if I'm just going to get dirty again?"

Nivan smiled and threw her arms around his neck as he carried her to his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a little bit. I always think I'm going to get so much done over the winter break, but really, it just saps all my energy.
> 
> I haven't decided if I'll skip straight to more letters in chapter 5 or give more of Harry's POV of the rest of Nivan's shore leave first (essentially, it's between going straight for the pining via letters or lingering over the smut). If you have a preference, let me know. :)
> 
> Edit: I meant to add earlier - they are listening to Harry's classical music playlist, and the first song was [Chopin's Nocture Op. 9 No. 2](https://youtu.be/bVeOdm-29pU).

**Author's Note:**

> I'm being optimistic that this will be finished in 10 chapters, but the count may go up as I get further into outlining the events. The format will intersperse Nivan and Harry's meetings while she's back on the Nexus with short, epistolary chapters featuring important (though not all) messages they send to one another during her missions.
> 
> (Also, per usual with me, game locations may be a bit different than "canon" based on my thoughts on what would be realistic. The Vortex, for example, would likely have a larger dance floor and a lot more tables, chairs and booths.)
> 
> I'd love to hear what you think, so leave me a comment or hit me up on Twitter/Tumblr @ ellenembee.


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